The mixology of colour, the diversity, all 7 makes one and white is not even really a colour..

Hey its been a while.. from my last blog its clear i was going through a trauma... why has my recovery taken so long? my current analysis is that i was fighting so hard to go back to who i was before the trauma, i was looking for that girl, and i looked and looked and looked and came to the stark realization that she didn't exist any more.  She died.

The grief of that was immense!! i asked all the questions, why me, and i guess the age old answer, why not?? whats so special about me that i should be exempted from the randomness of misfortune, i had thought that my good deeds were the mark of X across the door for the angel of death to pass over my door  that by avoiding getting into trouble, not getting involved, living life according to the mantra "If you dont get involved, you dont get hurt".. HA!! the angel had a field day as he slashed and cut me, ensured that i hurt, that i suffered as he did his job and when he was done, i was dead.

As i lay there, i descended into hell, i hated the angel, oh how i hated him, i blamed him, ranted against him, and all the time as i sat there in hell, he just stared at me, with no expression, no matter the insults i threw at him, his expression did not change.  After a while i realised it would not change for he could not change who he was, he had no connection to me, he was created to take us to our death, and he did.

I then let go, let go of the hate towards him.. I slowly came to accept that i was dead.. I then grieved my life, grieved the loss of opportunity, grieved the time that i had lost to do all the things i had wanted to do with my life.  That stage lasted a looooong time.

Then the veil lifted with the number 33...I resurrected, i had battled death and i was given the opportunity to live again and i was no longer afraid. I now look at fear as a moment of hesitation that offers a breath, however,  you cant hesitate forever, you eventually have to move.  In that movement, you conquer fear.

Get a little painted